How to Remember a Loved One During your Wedding Ceremony

You wedding ceremony is all about love, family, and friends. Unfortunately, most brides and grooms all share the loss of a dear family member or friend. While the deceased obviously cannot be physically present at your special occasion, there are many ways to include them in your ceremony so they can be there in spirit and soul.

My brides and grooms often ask me if it’s appropriate to pay tribute to a parted loved one during a wedding ceremony. I say it’s perfectly suitable if that’s what’s in your heart and has special meaning for you.

I’ve included a number of different ways to remember the deceased in my ceremonies. The one I’ve done most often is the remembrance ritual. I usually include it right after the introduction. At my most recent ceremony, I included one that went something like this:

“It has been said that through others, we are somebody. Through marriage, we broaden our circle of family and friends and recall those who gave us life. It is in this spirit of remembrance that our honored couple would like to pay a special tribute to important people in their lives who have recently departed our world. [He/Groom] knows that [his mother], is with us in spirit today. [She] was [Groom’s] hero and he misses her deeply. Also recently passing was [Bride’s grandmother], whose support to [Bride] was never ending.”

Another time, a memorial candle was lit by the bride and groom. The candle was placed on a second table near the front side of the altar. A small rose was also placed on the table with a picture of the groom’s father. As the candle was lit, the groom’s sister offered a special reading on the meaning of fathers.

Another way I’ve honored a departed was to say a short prayer or ask for a short moment of silence in reverence of the departed.

However you choose to remember your special person, it’s a lovely way to pay tribute to those important people in your lives who are not longer with us.

Writing Your Wedding Vows

Without a doubt, the heart and soul of a wedding ceremony is the reciting of one’s vows. After all, the vows are the promises made to your partner about how you intend to carry out your married life, long after your wedding day is over. And it sets the tone for the kind of life that you, as a couple, envision for yourselves.
The very first time I talk to a couple, one of the questions I ask them is if they intend to write their own vows. I always encourage my brides and grooms to do so, or at least to try to take a stab at it. It’s so much more personal, coming right from the heart. Of course, this is not something that is absolutely necessary and if it’s another stress builder, I always tell them not to worry – I can happily provide a sample of different wedding vows. No one needs to use any vow in its entirety. You can mix and match as you see fit, adding some of your own words and thoughts as well. I’ve put together some of my favorite vows that have been recited at the recent ceremonies I’ve officiated. For those who would like to write their own vows, but don’t know where to start, the following might give you some inspirational ideas. HAPPY WRITING AND LET IF FLOW FROM YOUR HEART AND SOUL!!!


SAMPLE 1:
I, ________, take you, _______, to be my wife/husband, my partner in life and my one true love.
I will cherish our friendship and love you today, tomorrow, and forever.
I will trust you and honor you.
I will laugh with you and cry with you.
I will love you faithfully,
Through the best and the worst,
Through the difficult and the easy.
Whatever may come I will always be there.
As I have given you my hand to hold
So I give you my life to keep.

SAMPLE 2:
I, _______, take you, _______, to be my wife/husband. To have and to hold from this day forward, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death. With my earnest and complete devotion, I give you my love.

SAMPLE 3:
I, ________, take you, ________ to be my husband/wife.
I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad,
In sickness and in health.
I will love you and honor you all the days of my life.

SAMPLE 4:
_________, I commit myself to be with you
In joy and adversity,
In wholeness and brokenness,
In peace and trouble,
Living with you in fidelity and love all of our days.

SAMPLE 5:
___________, I take you to be my lawfully wedded husband/wife.
Before these witnesses, I vow to love you and care for you
As long as we both shall live.
I take you, with all your faults and strengths.
I will help you when you need help,
Turn to you when I need help.
I choose you as the person with whom I will spend the rest of my life.


SAMPLE 6:
________, I promise to love and respect you and to stand by you
To be open and honest with you
And to always work toward our mutual growth.
I promise this for the good times and the bad times for the rest of our lives together.

SAMPLE 7:
I, __________, take you __________, as my husband/wife.
I pledge to share my life openly with you,
To speak the truth to you in love.
I promise to honor and tenderly care for you,
To cherish and encourage your own fulfillment as an individual,
For the rest of my life.